Missing Rainbow

Greetings. Haha.

Err. I guess my summer's quite a big bore such that I get to blog frequently now. Seriously, this hardly happens.

So, as I mentioned last night, Mama Eden, Princess Donah and I went to NAIA to fetch Papa Dondon (Mama Eden's husband). He worked 10 months overseas and now he's finally home! Yeay. We didn't see him right away. He grew his hair quite long. Even Baby Donah wasn't able to recognize her own father. I guess she's just not used to seeing him around. Heck, she's just a year old.

Uhmm. Nothing interesting happened much today. Actually I'm really not feeling quite well, which explains the title up there. No, I'm not sick or anything. It's something quite emotional this time. As people will understand from my very first post, my "blue rainbow" is my simple idea of happiness. It's the fact that I know that I can always see a rainbow in the sky; it's only a matter of how I look up at it. But tonight, I just can't seem to find my blue rainbow no matter how hard I try (no, it's not because the sky is black =_=). Yeah, I'm kind of down tonight. I wish I could tell you why I'm so down, but I guess I might as well proclaim myself as Queen of Stupidity, Dutchess of Dreamers, Princess of Hopelessness...you get the picture, right? Yes, I am basically wallowing in my own misery again.

I know, I know. I'm the only one who can stop myself. It's all in my head, I know, but it's freakin' not easy. The ghost is still lurking around the deepest crevices of my existence; that stubborn guitar string still refuses to let go of the already-broken guitar. What am I saying? I don't even play the guitar! Yes, I am STUPID STUPID STUPID. :(

Oh no. Extreme emotion coming up. Need an outlet...

Lightning

I want to stop, but the car keeps running,
I crave for peace, but the wars keep raging,
I wish for silence, but the maladic melody sees no end,
I need to laugh, but the tears keep coming back.

I banished the darkness, but the shadows keep lurking by,
I wiped off the blood, but the scars are here to stay,
I went in away from the rain,
But the lightning keeps frightening me again and again.

I can step on the brakes, but my foot won't move,
I can put down the gun, but the bullets won't let up,
I can quit playing the music, but my hand won't stop,
I can wipe away the tears, but a smile is hard enough.

I can stop looking at the shadows, but I still don't see the light,
I can bandage my wound, but the pain won't heal,
I can close my eyes and drift off to sleep,
But the thunder keeps roaring through my veins.

Obviously, I'm not ok. Ok?

Guess that's it for now.

**oh by the way, I'm currently trying to reconnect with my Montessorian friends. Hope I'm successful. I need cheering up.