I haven't posted anything on this website for ages now. I haven't updated my life through this journal for as long as I can remember. But honestly I don't care. In the days when I loved cartoons and happy meals, I would have considered blogging (or back then, diary-writing) a very big deal. I would have been absolutely devastated knowing I haven't written for so long. Or maybe I am devastated, why else would I be posting? Or maybe I'm just overcome by stress. Maybe I just need a break. Then again maybe I'm losing my mind. But why would I lose my mind? Well, do I need a reason to lose my mind? Can't I just lose it? You can lose your car keys for no reason, why would the mind be any different?
Okay. I'm sure you sense by now that I'm not really fine.
Naturally, you'd be asking a reason. But like I said, do I always need a reason? Why can't I just go on with life being reasonless? Can't I just wake up one day and do things I don't have to give a reason for?
Stop. I'm sounding crazy again.
Back to reality. Yes, I am definitely not okay at the moment. It's not really because I have no reason, more so because I don't know which reason I should blame. A lot of things are bothering me right now. I'm not in the mood to enumerate them all. It's something I don't share often, and originally I would have opted not to talk about it at all, much less post it on my public journal. But the feelings are too strong at the moment, feelings I've been harboring for a long, long time but never really had the courage to share. Feelings I still believe to be ridiculed by most people. Well, I don't really care right now. Nobody reads this blog. And I want it all out. I will use no code names or aliases. This is the real deal. This is the real me.
