Let me know if you don't care

Nothing more, nothing less

Like leaves off an autumn tree

Obliterating the rest

Hold on to dear past, let go no more

Reverse your path, think again

Gamble a gamble that was never played

Shall I play again? Or should you say?

Gamble as it may, game it is not

Games invest laughter

Gamble invests the heart

Tread not on the path others wish to take

Walk the road that young knights once went

Or at least one road I hoped you'd take

Many wrongs and sorrows I've seen before

Add one and break my heart once more

Many aches, many downs, many more to come

Not one ounce I wish, not an ounce more

Tis it too late to be wrong once more? 

Crap

I haven't posted anything on this website for ages now. I haven't updated my life through this journal for as long as I can remember. But honestly I don't care. In the days when I loved cartoons and happy meals, I would have considered blogging (or back then, diary-writing) a very big deal. I would have been absolutely devastated knowing I haven't written for so long. Or maybe I am devastated, why else would I be posting? Or maybe I'm just overcome by stress. Maybe I just need a break. Then again maybe I'm losing my mind. But why would I lose my mind? Well, do I need a reason to lose my mind? Can't I just lose it? You can lose your car keys for no reason, why would the mind be any different?

Okay. I'm sure you sense by now that I'm not really fine.

Naturally, you'd be asking a reason. But like I said, do I always need a reason? Why can't I just go on with life being reasonless? Can't I just wake up one day and do things I don't have to give a reason for?

Stop. I'm sounding crazy again.

Back to reality. Yes, I am definitely not okay at the moment. It's not really because I have no reason, more so because I don't know which reason I should blame. A lot of things are bothering me right now. I'm not in the mood to enumerate them all. It's something I don't share often, and originally I would have opted not to talk about it at all, much less post it on my public journal. But the feelings are too strong at the moment, feelings I've been harboring for a long, long time but never really had the courage to share. Feelings I still believe to be ridiculed by most people. Well, I don't really care right now. Nobody reads this blog. And I want it all out. I will use no code names or aliases. This is the real deal. This is the real me.