Of Forkroads and What Ifs

My blog screams for updates. My worn-out body aches for a detoxification. My pierced soul cries for an outlet. I do not really care whether I become offensively explicit or overly frank here. No one reads this blog anyway.

Funny that I should decide to make an entry on this momentous date. To be honest, I still have a load of work that needs accomplishing, but I could not resist the urge to post something. I could have posted on any other day, yet I want to make this day memorable, make it immortalized as a date that will forever remind me of my past. With fifteen minutes left to spare, I better make it quick.

Various points in our life will show a multitude of uncertainty. Particularly, we are often faced with the never-ending question of "What if?" At one time or another, we will be forced to make choices. It may be as simple as choosing what color to wear, what meal to eat, what book to read and the like. Inevitably, life will be full of decisions.

Look back on one forkroad of your life. What if you chose the other path?

Last year, on this date, roughly 4 four hours ago, I was met with an indefinite statement. Well, it started indefinitely at least. It began with an uncertain feeling that developed into conviction. That was the day that every single entity that I had known for so long shattered into pieces and resolved itself in the realm of oblivion; that was the day I felt my heart squeeze itself, as if wanted to dissolve into nothingness as well; that day, I was told of the Tale of Two Birds.

At that specific moment, I realized I was never sure of anything at all, and yet I refused to believe it. I wanted to believe that amidst all the uncertainty in the world, I could hold on to that one fact that I believed would forevermore keep me alive. But that night, my certainty began to shake; eventually it fell, and when it did, it pulled down everything else in my life.

I am very well aware of what that uncertainty led to, but I was just wondering, what if events did not transpire as they did? What if a different choice was made? Would I have been any happier? Would I still be here where I am? Would I still be sure of that one entity? This si the trouble with "what ifs" - you will never be able to know the answer.

Well, at least there's one thing I am certain of. If that moment did not occur, or if life had gone the other way, I would not be typing this insanely emotional and disgusting post.

I am glad God still loves me. (Oh, that's another certainty)

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Happy Birthday Sharky,