The Date That Never Was

In celebration of Single Appreciation Day (originally Valentines' day), and in tune with my much-awaited DepEx detox, I present to you this short story that I have long been contemplating on. I hope that it reaches your heart and inspires you in line with the "festivities."

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Midnight. Living Room. I was browsing the channels on our TV, bored and not knowing what to do, even if I was pretty sure I was supposed to be asleep. In a few minutes I ascended the stairs and prepared to sleep. Just as I finished my prayers and unfolded my blankets, a text flashed on my phone's LCD: 1 New Message.

"Hi! Gising ka pa? Di mo naman kailangan magreply. Gusto ko lang remind yung bukas. Uhm, 10.30 ah, sa Jollibee Kalaw, ako na bahala from there. Haha. Sige, tulog mahimbing, See you. :)"

I was supposed to reply, "Di ka naman excited?" but what the hey.

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"Ate, Shishing na." (Gising na)

Had the above statement been replaced by the sound of an alarm or the trigger of my reticular activating system, surely I would not have gotten up. But it was hard to ignore such a cute wake-up call. It was my little cousin, Baby Dana. At two, she has an incredible ability to converse fluently beyond her years. She's been quite a chatterbox now, never lasting 30 minutes not talking. She just has to say something, even if it means asking where she is.

Anyway, it was my cousin who woke me from my slumber. I reached for my phone and discovered it was 7AM. I would have opted to get back to sleep, but my aunt remarked, "O, ligo na 'te. Ma-late ka pa."

Oo nga pala. I nearly forgot. I went to the closet and hastily chose my wardrobe. My other cousin,two months older than I am, came in and helped me out. We pulled out a skirt I wore last New Year. Realizing red would be the color of the day, we chose my black blouse. Black also lost me excess weight. :D

With bath, dress-up and powder out of the way, I descended to take my breakfast. To my delight, it was my favorite, broccoli omolette. As more of my family came for breakfast, I heard the expected teases.

"Naku, may date yan ngayon."

"Wala. It's not a date."

I quickly loaded my shoulder bag with my necessities, almost forgetting to bring my comb. My aunt stopped me on the way out. She pulled out her special perfume that she uses for special occasions. She sprayed it all over my body. My cousin arrived and declared her intent on fixing my hair. Ate Melissa is a maestro at things like these so I trusted my crowning glory to her.

I bade everyone goodbye and stepped out of our gate. I checked my watch and discovered it was 9:00 AM. I hailed a tricycle upon exiting our subdivision. When I got in, I looked directly at my reflection in the tricycle. My cousin did a good job. I had slight curls that masked my unmanageable hair and a cute clip somewhere on the side.

In no time, I was at the highway waiting for a bus. When I got on the bus. I quickly took the farthest seat at the back near the window, my favorite spot. It wasn't so crowded in the bus today, maybe because it was a Sunday. But still, I expected a lot more to be traveling. After all, it's Valentines' Day.

As soon as I paid my fare, I leaned my forehead on the window, staring at the traffic and metropolis scene on the other side. My mind began wandering, particularly on the reason I was even going to Manila today, on a Sunday, and more so, on Hearts' Day. How did it go again?

We started talking thru text. It's been a long time since I had a text mate. Before I knew it, he had met my entire family from various occasions. Next, I was surprised to get down to breakfast one morning to see him smiling in the living room. What surprised me all the more is that my family was OK with it. Apparently, he had contacted them and asked for permission. Knowing my family, that was quite an achievement.

On that visit, he asked permission to take me out today. And there I was. On the bus, on the way to meet him.

I had no idea at all what to feel. It never started like anything special, or at least I did not take it that way. I did not even notice the subtle hints he left along the way, if any. Somehow the usual kilig feelings weren't there either. I was lost in a kaleidoscope. No idea where I would go. No idea what I was doing.

Bus trips are fortunately or unfortunately quick on Sundays. At least I didn't need to wait long, but then I had to find a way to kill time. For some reason, all my past dates/pseudodates saw me always waiting for the guy. I have a tendency to become extremely early, so I always take the burden of waiting.It was still 10AM. 30 minutes to kill.

When I stepped into the fast food, I scanned the area for the least populated area and chose a seat near the window. I stared outside, expecting to see him walking towards the entrance. This was when a soft touch alarmed me from behind.

"Uy, di mo ako nakita?"

I was shocked to see him right behind me. "Andito ka na?"

"Uhmm, mga 20 minutes ago pa lang. Eto naman. Di ko nga napansin eh. Haha."

"Aga mo naman.Haha. Ano, order na tayo?"

He looked puzzled. "Hm? Hindi kaya tayo rito."

Why would he want to meet here if we weren't eating here? "Eh saan tayo maglu-lunch?" Di ba niya ako papakainin?

"Meeting place lang kasi tayo rito. Dun tayo sa may Rizal Park. Haha. Ayaw ko lang naman na maghintay ka lang sa labas, delikado na."

Na-touch at na-weirduhan ako at the same time. Haha. I followed nevertheless. As we walked, I noticed a paper bag with him but hesitated asking him what was in. I let my curiosity run wild.

We chose a spot near Lapu-Lapu. Haha. I just watched him as he unfolded a blanket, brought out tupperwares and tumblers. Picnic? An internal audience in me just had to say "Awwww."

"Oh, upo ka na." He smiled. I followed, "Grabe naman paghahanda mo. Di ko ineexpect."

"Haha. Ayoko kasi binibili lang lahat."

"Niluto mo to lahat?"

"Oo, tapos tinulungan ako ni Mama. Sabi ko kasi special day ngayon."

Skeptical, I asked, "Eh di marami na kayong napagluto ng Mama mo."

"Hindi rin. Sa pamilya siguro. Pero for my dates, this is the first time."

"Weh? Bola yan eh."

"Hindi nga. Dati kasi, like you expected, I just take my dates to restaurants and fast foods. Kita kami, order, bayad, usap. Minsan sine. Ganun lang."

"So bakit iba ngayon?"

"Ewan ko. I just feel like those things won't be enough anymore."

Ayun na naman ang internal audience.

I would have loved to narrate the conversation we had word per word. I'm usually good at memorizing conversations. But at the moment, words and memory fail me. It's either I spent too much time laughing or too much time listening. All I know was that I had a great time. He was a superb cook. His adobo, rice and mango float - all my favorites- were so delicious.

It was 12:30 PM when we finished our meal. I helped him pack up and and was prepared to leave. Ang bilis lang pala.

"Uy, thank you ngayon. Ang saya," I said, preparing to leave.

"Your welcome," was all he said, smiling. I noticed how perfect his teeth were.

"Sige, alis na ako."

"Bakit? Uwi ka na?"

"Oo, diba tapos na?"

He laughed and passed his arm around my shoulder. "Excited kang umuwi ah. May pupuntahan pa tayo.Tara. "

I followed with extreme curiosity. In a few moments. I saw a kalesa complete with a white horse. "Oh my gosh. Ang tagal ko nang di nakakasakay rito," I exclaimed with my hands cupping my face.

He helped me aboard the kalesa and continued explaining how he got Kuya Kalesa to take me out today. In a few moments, he asked me to wear a blindfold.

"Bakit?"

"Basta. Magugustuhan mo ito. Swear."

Sige na nga, I said to myself. I need not worry, anyway. I trusted him, and the dark trip wasn't that long or scary, especially when he said, "Wag ka mag-alala, kung gusto mo makita yung scenery magkakalesa pa tayo pag uwi."

Finally, he helped me remove the blindfold. "Ayan, go."

I was speechless. He took me to a place I hadn;t been to for a long time.

"Museo Pambata?"

"Ayaw mo ba?"

Of course gusto ko. Museo Pambata has been a huge part of my childhood. I was always a frequent here and it was one of my favorite places to visit with my family. I never expected him to take me here, but I was really happy he did. Excitement made me get off the kalesa and head for the entrance.

Again, narrating our trip would have been long and fun, but I find no words to describe how much fun I had. We visited replicas of caves, churches and forests. We explored the solar system. We stepped on gigantic piano keys. We played dentist. We played dress-up as firefighters. We studied different anatomical parts of the body. We went up and down the mini houses and in and out of bahay kubos. I hadn't had so much fun in so long.

After exploring, we got out and played tag on the playground outside and went up and down the slide. He brought me back to my old self, the me as a child, who loved to play around and explore, without a care in the world.

As he promised, we rode the Kalesa back and I was given a chance to admire the scenery. It was already around 5:00PM and I was wondering why my family didn't text. When he noticed my anxiety, he remarked, "Tinext ko na sila. Don't worry." Napangiti na lang ako.

We went back to our picnic spot earlier, where I said, "O, don't tell me may surprise ka pa."

"Last na. Promise. Haha." His brown eyes twinkled. "Pikit ka."

I closed my eyes not knowing what to expect, then I felt him pulling my right hand. Then there was a sensation of a leathery, rough stick. Flowers perhaps? He placed my left hand over the long stick. "Open."

For the fourth time, he surprised me.

"Bakit ito?"

"Ayaw mo ba? Uhm, ikaw kasi naisip ko nung nakita ko yan, diba favorite color mo yan."

He's right.

I was right, he did give me a flower, a rose. It could have been an ordinary red one, but the one he gave me was different. It was a blue rose. A rose I have long waited to receive. It was a gift I inwardly believed to be a sign of something special, something out of the box, since blue roses weren't natural. The thing is, I only told this secret superstition to close friends. Though we were relatively close, I never mentioned this to him, which made me all the more happier. As if involuntarily, I wrapped my arms around him in gratitude and said, "Thank you talaga. You don't know how happy you made me."

He hugged back, caressed my hair and whispered, "Glad you liked it, I love you."

I've heard this before.

But it I never felt this special.This time, in the middle of the park, where other couples were plenty, I felt safe and secure. Some time in that embrace, streetlights might have brightened the twilight, just like in the movies, but I was too happy to notice. I realized how superficial such things were compared to his warm embrace. I thank God I was with him.

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We hailed a bus back to Cavite and I was expecting to wave goodbye, but he followed me on board. I did not mind. I had fun all the way home. We never stopped talking or laughing. Our conversations just went from one topic to another. It was like being lost but still knowing where you're going, trusting that you have someone with you.

He accompanied all the way to my house, where we were welcomed by the tease committee. He had dinner with us, divulging as little of our date as he could. Around 8:00PM, he left.

Before going to bed, around midnight, I sent him a message:

"Hi! Sorry medyo delayed na to. Thank you ngayon. Di ko ineexpect na ganito kasaya yung araw. Salamat sa lunch, sa kalesa ride, sa museo pambata, sa habulan at sa blue rose. Di ko makakalimutan ang araw na ito. Goodnight."

Unlike me, he replied.

"Wala yun. I'm glad you enjoyed. Masarap pakinggan na masaya ka. Sana ganyan ka lagi. Ngiti lagi. Thank you rin at pumayag ka sa araw na ito. Di ko rin to makakalimutan, kahit kailan. At sana, maulit pa ito. Sige. Goodnight din sayo. :D"

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"Ate, Shishing na."

I opened my eyes to see my cousin. I reached out for my phone, expecting it to be February 15. To my surprise, it was 7AM of Feb 14. How come? Did my calendar stop? Were me settings tampered? What happened?

It was quite long before I realized it was just a dream. But still, it was a dream I would never forget, It was a dream date. A date I shared with a guy whose name I do not know. It's quite funny that I dreamt it on this day. Out of desperation? I'd like to think not.

I believe I dreamt this dream with hope and love in my heart; hope that dreams like this still exist, and guys like him are still alive, out there, waiting, and love for the guy who would one day take me on this date and love me for who I am, unconditionally and selflessly. Ladies and gentlemen, this was the story of the date that never was, and the girl who still believes that one day, it will. Maybe not in the same manner, maybe not on the same day, maybe not in a way anyone would expect. But one day, it will. One day. :)

High School Youth Conference on Adolescence

First of all, I would want to publicly thank Mr. Dominic Paguio, my professor in Human Development, for coming up with this hilarious idea. It's because of him that 75 Freshmen had to come to school wearing their High School uniforms.

My Masci uniform, the royal blue-and-white attire with the matching necktie, has long been stored in my closet. The last time I remember wearing it was April of last year. True, I had quite forgotten how it felt to wear that uniform and may have even outgrown the excitement for it. But this day truly reminded me how much I loved Masci and how much I loved being a high school student (yes, despite the sleepness nights and toxic days).

I felt the need to write a note on the matter because I simply loved this day. This day is certainly one of the best of the entire semester. So in this note, I want to share with you the highlights of today and hope that I can thoroughly relay how happy this day was. Aside from this, I also wanted to conduct a series of mini social experiments. My hypothesis is that people tend to treat you differently when you are in a uniform. I took note of my observations for the entire day.

Masyado ako na-excite sa araw na ito kaya todo rin ang preparation ko. Talagang nag-ayos high school student ako. I even used the bag I used on my first day of First Year High School. I wore my blue headband, blue watch, blue kung blue! My entire image was simply screaming "Nerd!" and "Geek" and "Betty La Fea!"

Ako ang unang freshie na dumating. Pag pasok ko, ramdam kong iba tingin sa akin ng guard. Haha. Tapos narinig ko pa si Kuya Lito na tinatanong yung guuard about me. Akala niya naliligaw ako. So sabi ko naman kaya ako nag-uniform kasi adolescence yung topic namin at kailangan mag-uniform. Ang akala tuloy ng guard nagbagong-anyo na ang uniform ng UP. From Maroon to Blue. :))

Nagsimula nang magdatingan ang aking mga kaklase. Naglabasan na rin ang iba't ibang style at kulay ng mga uniform namin.It was all so amusing. Mukha kaming youth conference ng iba't ibang school o kaya'y youth seminar about adolescence. Bongga, nasa audi pa man din kami. :))

Nagsimula na rin ang lecture sa pagdating ni sir Dom. May pinagawa siya sa aming exercise that required each group to discuss different issues during adolescence. Normal class stuff, except that every time someone stepped up to speak, he or she would be asked, "Anong school?" Parang seminar talaga. :)

Natapos ang lecture kaya todo picture-an naman kami (To camera-possessing people, tags oryt?) We had our class pic as well as several other vanity shots. When it was time for lunch, I suggested we go to Rob. I know Rob doesn't allow High school students to enter until 5:00PM, but I wanted to try if the power of our UP id's would do the trick.

Naturally, the guard did not want to let us in. We explained things and stuff. She even commented that our ID's may just be replicated from Recto or something. I even remember her saying "Sarili niyo lang niloloko niyo." I could hardly contain my laughter.

After lunch, I parted ways with my group and headed for Cerealicious to finish my Comm assignment. After the homework, I began pondering on whether or not I would go to Masci. I originally did intend to visit, but I was having inhibitions since I may be forced to leave or else not be allowed to leave the premises before my last class at 4:00PM. I wandered around Rob for a while and discovered that the saleslady in the department store didn't pester me with "Yes, Ma'am?" "Ano po sa inyo?" I guess this implies something, eh?

I decided to go to Masci rather than stay in Rob. I was wearing a Masci uniform and in effect representing the school itself. Being seen in Rob wandering on a weekday isn't a very good image.

I was afraid to enter school for fear that I may have to leave. But I was blessed that my Kuya guards welcomed me anyway and told me it was alright for me to visit around. Yeay.

I consumed my entire time in Masci to greet and see as many people as I could. I knew that they would all be surprised at my getup. Marami akong nakita at nakausap today. I'm sorry if I could not mention you all. I will, however, highlight some of the general impressionsi.

Most people would hardly notice me at first glance. They probably assumed that I was just another student. I don't remember who said it, but someone mentioned na mukha raw akong Sophomore. Haha
- Nung napagtanto nilang ako si Ella, they naturally asked why on earth I was back in blue. I usually answered "Magrerepeat na po kasi ako ng HS. " :))

It was Ma'am Habal's birthday and I was privileged enough to have a slice of her cake. :) Thanks Ma'am! Happy birthday!

Piniktyuran ako ni Carla sa outfit ko.

Most teachers would look at me for a while and assumed me to be a student before realizing who I really was. Some, like Ma'am Reyes, had to think whether I had already graduated or not.

Time flew so fast I hardly noticed that I had to leave. I had short encounters with as many people as possible. But I was indeed very happy as I crossed the road back to UP.

Akala ko di ako papasukin sa CAS. Pinapasok naman ako. Haha. Sabi pa ni Kuya, "Ikaw ba talaga yan?"

When I saw Ma'am Pagtalunan, she of course asked why I was in my uniform. I answered, "Ma'am, I forgot to mention that I would be repeating high school. This I'm afraid is my last day in college." :))

My classmates had all changed into civilian clothes except for Ace. Kaya naman nagmukha talaga akong bata. Haha. Sabi nga ni Denise lumiit daw ako lalo. :))

Bago umuwi, nangtetrip ako ng mga tao. Ngakunwari akong isang nawawalang bata na hinahanap ang iba't ibang lugar sa UPM. Buti sinasakyan naman ng mga blockmate ko. :))

Some quotable quotes that I remember throughout the day:

"Bagay pa rin sayo yung uniform" - Sir Adam

"Na-miss ko yung physique na to!" - Francis, pertaining to my getup (Ako rin Francis, I missed it so much).

"Nene, mag-iingat ka ah." - blockmate

"Hinahanap mo yung Dean ng CAS? Kaharap mo na." - Tatay

"Mukha kang 2nd year." - Random person

Ang saya talaga ng araw. Masaya ako na pinanindigan ko ang uniform ko hanggang matapos ang araw. Ewan. Iba talaga yung feeling nung suot-suot ko yung uniform. Naramdaman kong bata ulit ako. Naramdaman kong High School ulit ako. Iba yung feeling. Ang saya talaga. Salamat sa lahat ng nakasama ko ngayong araw. Mahal ko kayo lahat. :)

Oh, and I just remembered. Some time long ago, I was told that I am prettiest in my uniform.

NOTHING IS FAIR

You (whoever is still reading) will notice that I seldom post entries. It must be the sched. It must be the exams. Then again it may also be the laziness. :))

But here I am anyway. It must be the sched. It must be the free time. Then again it may also be this incessant urge to remember, to commemorate.

What is there to remember? Check the date.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, that doesn't matter. It's not worth knowing anymore. In the first place, it doesn't exist. It's only worth remembering on my part. I'm like a little kid, reading an old book, reliving the days when Dodos were still alive. Yes, a mere discovery of what is extinct.

This post is similar to two of my previous posts, both expressing a desire to release emotions.

Today, I am supposed to be happy. Three years is no laughing matter. Three may still be a single digit, but that equates to 36 months of being together with one person. In this age of short attention spans and fickle emotions, that time is a doozy -- well, a doozy of happiness, that is.

You would think I would be celebrating right now. You would think I would be downright happy.
Sad to say, I'm not. I am at the far end of the spectrum.

The thing about those three years is that they are meaningless now. Sure, today may have been one of the best days of my life, and maybe for another person's. But that was the stupid past. Today is another story.

Anyway, today meant something else to me. It was no ordinary Tuesday. I have no idea why I feel a need to commemorate an obviously stupid date, but I do.

I saved the date on my phone's calendar.
I took time to decide on what to wear for today. Something that would signify the meaning of today. (I opted for my black Sci Camp 06 shirt, go figure)
Whenever I would write the date in my notebook, I would affix this: :c

Funny thing is, it seems the rest of the world was commemorating.

I thought about the date all day, and this is what happened in Soc Sci:

Prof: Kayo mga girls, kung yung friend niyo, parang kapatid niyo na, may boyfriend, tapos yung boyfriend may gusto sayo, tapos ikaw medyo bumibigay ka rin, itutuloy mo ba?
Me: Hindi po, masakit po yun pag ikaw yung girlfriend.
Prof: All is fair in love. Di pa naman kasal eh.

:((

Yan ang highlight of the day.

Nothing happened today anyway. Ordinary day if I say so myself. But to me the whole world was different, just because the number on the calendar read 10-13-09.

I don't want to say anything else. Happy birthdya na lang.

Oh, and here's my stat message in ym:

"3 years since my forever. 14 months ago it was over.
Tell me, how do you celebrate love with a broken heart?"

NEW SONG

Posted a new BGM. I really like this song and the story attache dto it. It's from the Koreanovela Spring Waltz. I admit that I am no fan of Asianovelas, but this one is just too beautiful to ignore. I remember seeing it on T.V. when I had nothing to do, can't remember when though. The trouble is, I lost time to follow it religiously. Then, while waiting for Mythbusters to start, I stumbled upon Studio23 and to my surprise, they were showing it, right at the part that I last saw.

Disclaimer: The owner of this blog has no connection with any part of the production of the song nor the Koreanovela mentioned.

Amazing, huh? Anyway, I still was not able to follow it the way a fangirl should. Haha. I only got to watch it during Wednesdays (days-off) and Saturdays (when my mind is focused on Mythbusters). But I wa sstill able to catch up on the story and feel those "kilig moments." One thing I do regret is that I was never able to see the ending, which according to many sites, was very touching. Too bad nobody's updated wiki on the ending. :)

So, here's the song, enjoy. :)

One Love – Acel Bisa

Higher than the sky above you
Clearer than blue
Brighter than the rays of sunshine
Warmer than what you feel
More than all the wonders you see
It’s the most wonderful thing

Brighter than the living colors of flowers you see
Sweeter than the touch of water
Flowing from the mountain spring
More than all the wonders you see
It’s the most wonderful thing

One love…
I love you so
Love is the beautiful one
I love you so
Love is the beautiful one
All we need is love
Real love

Marvel at the sight of greenfields
Amazingly seen
Watch the colors of the rainbow
It’s a miracle you see
More than all the wonders can be
But there’s more than that

One Love…
I love you so
Love is the beautiful one

Greater than what you can feel
More than what you ever dreamed
This is better than your everything
One love…

I love you so
Love is the beautiful one

All we need is love
One love

Bad Monday

I'm in for a hellish week and I've been through a stupid day, so I might as well be kind to myself for at least thirty minutes and release all the negative energy through this blog.

I had such a devastating (okay I'm exaggerating) day. Aside from the fact that I got up on the wrong side of the bed, I also had to endure an hour standing on the bus this morning. I was freaking exhausted and terribly wanted some shut-eye but I just couldn't get it.

By the time I was in school, I started entering into one of my bad moods. I don't know why I'm getting terribly moody these days. I don't know if it's the weather, the exhaustion, or the tremendous Masci memories I encounter. I have been missing Masci badly recently. I know it's ironic since five of my batchmates are Mascians, but somehow I miss Masci itself.

The whole idea of being a Mascian has always been a part of my life, and although the school is just across the street, I feel like I've been detached from it. I miss lining up before the morning assembly.I miss frantically studying in line. I miss seeing Mang Danny sweep some leaves. I miss Kuya Felix asking where Balasubas is. I miss buying load from Ate Canteen. I miss waiting in line for Kuya Xerox. I miss Carbonara moments. I miss writing excuse letters and having teachers sign them. I miss organizing school activities and watching your plans come to life. I miss our Pangkatang Gawain. I miss reading El Fili. I miss palitaw! I miss going to places because of activities. I miss being an Out of School Youth. I miss Parlia moments. I miss stressful days in the media room. I miss setting up the multimedia room. I miss announcing on stage. I miss talking to teachers. I used to be criticized for being so chummy to teachers. I wouldn't be surprised if others thought I was being the teacher's pet or something. Honestly, being friends with teachers has nothing to do with my aspiration to do my best. I don't know why, but I always have a certain affinity to people older than I am. I like talking to them about their jobs. I've always tried being friends with teachers, janitors, security guards, anyone who I encounter everyday. I just feel like I could always get a piece of wisdom from them, and I always do. It must also be because I never really had a lot of friends my age when I was little. Mommy and Dad always took me to their social functions, parties and gatherings. The kind of interaction I got exposed to was with the colleagues of my parents.

Moving on, I've been missing Masci terribly as you can see. Yes, I know I don't really have the right to complain since I practically see Mascians everyday. I just realized that Masci truly has been a huge part of my life. The last time school affected me this much was when I was under Mr. Dizon, my favorite teacher of all time.

Anyway, enough of the trip to memory lane. Let's go back to my stupid day.

I went to the library and did my N1 notes. I figured a cool environment would calm me down. I was there for 3 hours. After my library trip, I tried contacting Block26 about the Kanlungan script. It turns out they already submitted it. Unluckily though, I didn't know. Haha. I also happened to come across Ma'am Villarta. While waiting for a reply, I decided to eat my lunch. I bought my favorite viand - chicken barbecue. I figured since I was having a bad day I might as well compensate by eating. Since I was alone, I chose a table at the CN Tambayan and prepared to enjoy my meal. As I was about to start eating, one of the many cats of UP-Manila came up to me and started meowing at me like crazy. From what I've gathered, she was asking, no, threatening me for the my food. I thought I could just shoo the cat away, but it kept on pestering me like it was my inherent duty to feed it. I tried switching tables, but it kept on following me. It started looking creepy too. Its eyes were only slits and it looked like it was going to attack me. It didn't help that I have always had this dislike for cats. I probably looked stupid there talking to a cat in a freaked-out tone. I finally gave up anyway and just left my lunch on the table. Needless to say, the cat feasted on my Php60.00 lunch. Pfft. It's like my allowance is for feeding cats. Puh-lease. Di ako pinalaki ng nanay ko para magpakain ng pusa.

I was so irritated, both at myself and at the cat. I hate myself for allowing myself to be harassed by a cat, but I hate the cat all the more for being so greedy as to threaten me for my food. Curses.

Because of that experience, I swear I'll never eat in the CN Tambayan ever again. I also declare my new found hatred-slash-phobia for felines. Back then, my disliking of cats was nothing more than pointing out their bad sides. The dislike was only limited to me preferring dogs over cats. Now, it's different. Garfield and all his friends are now my enemies.

To make myself feel better, I had Claude accompany me to submit our Kanlungan script.

Since I had to eat, I went to Rob with Block26. I so wanted to try the new meal at Jollibee, but since I lost 60pesos, I had to settle for the Double Delight Pizza from Pizza Hut. Thank God Cheese&Bacon was available.

It's also good to know the cat didn't snatch my bottled water.

And so, the rest of my afternoon was pretty dismal for me. I did minimal socialization. A lot of people could tell that my aura was different today. I let DJ go home earlier. I really didn't want to send her away like that. It's just that I was having such a bad day. I guess it wouldn't have helped if I came along with her, else she would be the poor victim of my negative vibes.

Upon arriving at Lawton, I decided to compensate for my bad day with my favorite Belgian Chocolate waffles, but then another irritating encounter - the lady directly before me ordered 2 boxes of waffles. The order took so long that by the time I was ready to board a bus, the line was relatively long.

There. Now I'm off to face the remnants of my terrible day. Wish me luck. I hope things don't get any worse.

Bandwagon

Whoaaaaahh. This is me, posting an entry? Oh c'mon. This cannot be happening. Haha.

Actually, I was just inspired by the fellow bloggers Joyce and Isay. They all had posts today. Call me a gaya-gaya and all, I don't mind. XD

I also checked out my previous blog (a.k.a. vaindolphin.blogspot.com) yesterday. I was quite the blogger before. Haha. However I do not intend this post to be long. I just want to make an update. So maybe I am a gaya-gaya. Haha. Whatever.

Don't get me wrong though. My posting does not reflect upon my free time. I am not even sure if such a thing as free time exists. Haha. I have a departmental exam to worry about and that alone is giving me the creeps.

Blogs are always about what happened, what you experienced, etc. Today I am going to write about what I will be doing for the rest of the night. It helps when your work is properly organized so here goes:

- NSTP learning journal
- Ask Sir Laufred if we would still have our long test on Friday
-Work on NSTP scripts
-Re-read outlining for Comm
-MATH.

That's about it I guess.

Now let me tell you about some eccentric (well, at least to myself) wishes I have been having lately. I may not be able to remember them all, but I don't really care :))

-Meet the Mythbusters
I thought my obsession would subside when school begins, but no. This is an obsession that suddenly makes me want to be home all the time just so I could watch the show. Lately I've been sharing this tremendous passion with fellow Mythbyusters fans. Also, my obsession for Grant Imahara also has not subsided either. I still consider him as one good example of the kind of guy I would want to marry. Haha. He just has almost everything I have always been looking for - the brains, the skills, the charisma, and not to mention the looks. Haha. I am not really a sucker for the most good-looking guys in the world. Somehow I find some people cute and others think I am crazy. I have no idea why I have such notions about what is handsome and what is not, but whatever that is, Grant is just my perfect mixture. Haha. I even fantasize about actually being with them, being on the show. It's a wild, wild dream, and I don not care at all. :))

Hayy. I said I would make a list, but laziness has overcome me once again. It seems the adrenaline rush from talking about Mythbusters used up all of my typing energy. If only I could just drone about them. Haha. Anyway, I need to get cracking anyway. :D

Maybe some other time. :)

One Year

Happy birthday Sir Manuel.
Belated Happy Birthday Ace.

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I am about to begin studying for this week's activities. Although I do not have any upcoming exams marked on the calendar, UP life so far has taught me to always be prepared. However, just like in my previous post, I could not contain the urge to reflect today.

To many people, August 16 could mean nothing special. To others it could signify their birthday, their anniversary, their first baby and others. It is different for each person.

To me, August 16 is a day of troubled emotions, excruciating pain, treacherous illusions, shattered hope, broken memories... I could enumerate every metaphor available in my vocabulary, but to my opinion it would still not suffice for what I experienced on that day. Thankfully, I do not harbor all those emotions in the same magnitude today. But still, it is worth recounting how that day turned out, and worth contemplating on how I have been since that day.

Mind you, I still remember what happened that day.

I was to attend a seminar sponsored by the Rotary Club of Manila. As usual, I came to school earlier than expected. My world was a blur that week. Most times I hardly knew what I was doing. That was one of those moments. I reached for the cellphone inside my pocket and texted, pleading for a conversation.

The conversation progressed, and somehow I foolishly imagined light at the far end of it. My classmates who happened to browse through my inbox thought so too.

Attending the seminar was almost a waste of time on my part. Honestly, I tried concentrating on the speaker, but my mind just would not stay put. It fled to my textmate, my problems, my worries and fears. I continued engaging in an SMS conversation. I was a fairly frequent, not to mention fast, text messenger at that time, so every time there was a reply, another message would follow.

However, at one point, my thumb found it hard to encode the next lines.

When I consulted my mind, it had no idea what to say either.

I asked my heart, but I could not understand it. It seems it was too busy crying.

Flashed on my phone's LCD was a message I never imagined to receive from the messenger. They were a mere four words (Well, in text vocabulary of course), but they destroyed a multitude of arguments that I held on to for so long. It is astonishing how a few words could be so powerful.

Painful as it was, I continued the conversation. I learned a few more details that made things even harder to bear.

Somewhere along the way the seminar ended. Well, it actually ended for lunch break, but we left anyway. When I joined my schoolmates, I could not help but reach for an embrace and just let the teardrops fall. I am no crybaby. I hardly cry at all. I only cry for the most heartbreaking moments, moments when the human mind no longer has the ability to alleviate the suffering. Well, obviously, this was one of those moments.

Naturally, they were all shocked as I relayed what had happened. I could still remember how I cried in the comfort room, while they were all trying to comfort me with their words, saying I deserved more than that. They kept on comforting me as we rode back to Taft Avenue from Makati. It is funny, the four words contained in that text message created a whirlpool of devastation, and yet the kind and comforting paragraphs of my companions hardly made me smile.

But to this day, I thank the persons who were with me on that day, for catching me when I received the first blow, for wiping my tears when they first dropped. In the event I was alone in those moments, I know things would not have been the same.

We went to KFC. Seeing my depression, Oliver offered to buy me something. I appreciated all of them for being so kind to me. They knew what I knew, that I should just forget about it all, that I would get along just fine, but still they empathized with me, sensing the pain I was going through.

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That was not the end of the day. I know for certain what else happened, but it just does not feel right to reiterate the rest. Now is not the time.

What happened after August 16 was a series of struggle, anger, depression, disbelief, useless hope...

How did I get through?

I guess I should save that part for another post.

Right now, I just want to share some lines from a song... This song seems to echo everything that happened...

James Morrison, Broken Strings

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything
That you're heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you someting that ain't real

Running back through the fire, when there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train, when we both know it's too late...